Joined: Feb 2009 Gender: Female Posts: 19 Location: At the Cullen Household... :P
Full Moon (FanFiction) - Chapter 10-12 « Thread Started on Jul 3, 2009, 10:01pm »
Full Moon - Chapter 10 (Sweet) In Renesmee's POV
I parked the Volvo in the garage and walked quietly to the front door. Grandma Esme opened the door before I did. "Hi, Grandma." I said hugging her. She hugged me back. "Hey, how was school?" She asked. "Mmm. Fine." I said with a smooth face. "Hi, Sweetie!" Mom said jumping off the big white sofa and dragging my Dad along with her, again. "Hi, Mom." I said, one they had both hugged me. I noticed my Aunts and Uncles were gone. "Where is...?" I asked. "Went hunting." Dad said. I guess he read my mind. "Hey, umm guess who's here Sweetie." Mom said. "Wh-" I started to ask, but a man with dark brown curls came in the living room. "Nessie!" He said, hugging me. "Oh! Grandpa Charlie!" I said excitedly. It was such a long time since I had seen him. He had little white hair strands on his head. "How are you, Renesmee?" He asked. "I'm good, and you?" I asked this time. "Oh, I'm still kicking." He joked. My Mom, Dad, Grandma Esme and Grandpa Carlisle were all grinning at me. We all decided to go to the living room to sit down. "Are you hungry, Renesmee...and Charlie?" Dad asked. "Uh. Yeah, sure." Grandpa Charlie said. "I'm pretty hungry Dad, so...ok." I said. This time Dad dragged Mom to the kitchen by her hand, so the rest of us waited for them to finish cooking. Three minutes later, we heard crashing and breaking sounds from the kitchen. Grandma Esme, Grandpa Carlisle, Grandpa Charlie and I ran to the kitchen to see what was happening, though Grandpa Charlie was the last to come running. I smelled smoke. Something was burning on the stove. Mom was sitting on the counter, and Dad was standing. They were kissing, that was the distraction, the reason why things were broken, or burning. Grandpa Charlie came moments later and suddenly cleared his throat when he saw what was happening. Mom and Dad parted, and Mom swiftly jumped off the counter. "Sorry." They both said. Two broken plates were on the floor, and Mom moved in a blur to clean it all up. Dad turned off the stove, and took a spatula to scrape off the burnt 'thing' on the pan. This time Mom came with us back to the living room. Five minutes, Dad came with two plates full with food.
Full Moon (FanFiction) - Chapter 11 (Crowded Mind) Renesmee's POV
Aunt Alice, Uncle Jasper, Aunt Rosalie, and Uncle Emmett were back from hunting. Grandpa Charlie left an hour ago because a criminal from the recent murder investigation had been caught. Forks still isn't a completely safe place to live in. Vampires entering, feeding, and leaving constantly. I sat in-between Uncle Jasper and Aunt Alice as we all watched T.V. Mom, Dad, Grandma Esme, and Grandpa Carlisle were all sitting on the carpet. Aunt Rosalie and Uncle Emmett were upstairs in their bedroom. I yawned loudly. Mom and Dad both looked up at me and stood up, blocking the T.V. "Okay, Renesmee. We have to go now." Dad said. I yawned again. "Ok..." I mumbled. We all said good night to everybody else, and ran back home. When we reached the house, I said good night to Mom and Dad, and went straight to the bathroom to brush my teeth. I changed into my dark blue-silk night gown, and headed straight for my bed. I wasn't really sleepy, or tired. I faked the yawns, because I wanted some alone time to think. I had so many questions that were still UN-resolved, and had to be answered immediately somehow. What was Nathan going to ask me? Does he like me? Was he going to ask me to the dance? I didn't know the answer s for my questions. Of course...they would have to be answered by Nathan himself! Yikes. How did I get that thought in my mind? I can't be THAT brave. No Way. I wouldn't want to ask him, but I needed those answers! The questions that I had were itching at my head, bugging to be answered, shattering every concentration, every distraction that I held. My mind was too crowded. I wouldn't ask him...just yet.
Full Moon - Chapter 12 (Thinking) In Nathan's POV
In the morning, school had passed by quickly. It was boring like any other school day. Every subject was boring; but for me, Biology class wasn't. I don't mean I like the boring subject, someone there has to do something with me liking the class itself. A special someone. Someone like me. Someone who's name is Renesmee. She was somehow special to me now... Finally my last class in the morning had ended. Each class that I had in the afternoon were with Renesmee. How luck am I. It was time to go to the cafeteria. I walked out of the class building and spotted Renesmee, Marie, and Nick waving at me about ten yards away. I ran at humad speed and finally reached the trio. "Hey, guys!" I said. "Hey, Loverboy!" Nick said excitedly. I turned to look at Renesmee, who was already blushing and biting her bottom lip. "You're an idiot Nick." Marie said, elbowing him. Huh. Marie to the rescue. I'd want to elbow him myself... I was deeply in thought, when Nick interrupted, "Marie, you're coming with me to prom, right?" He looked at me with a smug smile... "Mmhm, obviously." Marie replied. We were under the cafeteria roof. Marie went to sit at our usual table, while Nick, Renesmee, and I went to get food. Nick was suddenly whispering in my ear. "You gotta ask Juliet out to the prom." He whispered. "Hold up, Mr.Matchmaker. I would, but I feel like I'm too shy." I said, embarrased. "You should." He said back. I knew that I should ask her. I knew other boys would also attempt to ask her even though they had girlfriends or not. Most of all, I knew that Renesmee was listening. Obviously! She IS a vampire after all...well half anyways. I'd probably ask her to the prom later, after school. Three more days till the Valentine's Day Prom...which means I'd have to aske her sooner or later. I waited for school to finish. Finally the school bell rang, and I was out of my seat and gone like the wind. I waited for Renesmee, Marie, and Nick by the cars. Time was running, and I still had to aske her. I sighed. They finally came and I walked up to Renesmee while Marie quickly dragged Nick into my car. I looked back at them and Nick shot me a wide, smug smile.
NOTE: I hope that was enjoying for you. You better cath up reading cuz you wouldn't wana miss Nathan asking Renesmee this! Please tell me if this FF is too rushed up...if it is, please please please tell me so I can add more chapters in between, or modify them...Thank you so much. I will be posting Chapter 13-15 soon. I have to be writing more! AHH! heheh, Thank you again.
« Last Edit: Jul 6, 2009, 4:58am by twilight1562 »
Santa is a girls name in Italian, it's not my name it's a shorter version of it though
Joined: Jun 2008 Gender: Female Posts: 2,658 Location: A place!
Re: Full Moon (FanFiction) - Chapter 10-12 « Reply #1 on Jul 14, 2009, 4:34am »
I read it and so far I'm really like what I'm seeing, you have potential but I think it's a bit rushed, and you seemed to like short chapters, short chapters are difficult for a long fanfiction story but also can work to your advantage to keep them wanting more. Check over the chapters because I noticed that your sort of just listing events, I mean it's not a list of continous And then, and then and then, which is good but remember your doing P.O.V, you got to have more of Nessie's well, reactions and thoughts to the situations, express her feelings more. like when there is smoke in
Chapter 10-
"Three minutes later, we heard crashing and breaking sounds from the kitchen. Grandma Esme, Grandpa Carlisle, Grandpa Charlie and I ran to the kitchen to see what was happening, though Grandpa Charlie was the last to come running. I smelled smoke. Something was burning on the stove. Mom was sitting on the counter, and Dad was standing. They were kissing, that was the distraction, the reason why things were broken, or burning. Grandpa Charlie came moments later and suddenly cleared his throat when he saw what was happening. "
You could put, time passed,
My stomach was aching for anything to fill it. I continued to socialize with my grandpa, enjoying the words exchanged from one another. Suddenly, I heard a sharp crash. What was happening? I whipped my head around, smoke filling my nostrils. Grandpa Carlise and Grandma Esme ran into the kitchen, me and Grandpa Charlie following behind. I groaned looking at the site of my parents. Of course you had to pick the only time to romance with each other, I thought glaring at my lip locked parents. Their embraced stopped short once they finally noticed we entered the room. Mom covered her right cheek mumbling. "Sorry!"She squeaked, embarrassed. The two broken plates on the cold floor we're cleaned up in a split second, my eyes darting to my flustered father who turned off the stove as fast as possible. I looked at the burnt food, if you can even call it that. I grabbed the plate, gaging. "Yum, thanks Mom....Dad."I quipped throwing the disgusting plate of charcoal. Mom tried to find a good excuse from the little "interaction distraction." To me, they all failed, miserably. Waiting in the living room a good five minutes passed before Dad came carrying two plates full of food. Finally, something I can digest.
Forget Vampires and Werewolves, I run with the Ninjas ~
Dancing in the Moonflow river watching the spirits sail, guide them to eternal peace Mi'lady for only you could give them that freedom.
Sure everybody once in a while makes bad decisions, nobody always makes the best decisions, some of us just make better ones~Saying of the month of November
Joined: Feb 2009 Gender: Female Posts: 19 Location: At the Cullen Household... :P
Re: Full Moon (FanFiction) - Chapter 10-12 « Reply #2 on Sept 4, 2009, 4:51am »
Thanks, Inu for the suggestion. I mean i know its all rushed up and all that, heh. i need more experience i guess. i need to update these rushed chapters so that i can actually make my viewers more satisfied...i was thinking...could u help me? i mean not fully, but just help me by telling me what should be corrected, and what should be more expressful. please reply in a pm or something! oh and sorry if i havent been on lately!
Forget Vampires and Werewolves, I run with the Ninjas ~
Dancing in the Moonflow river watching the spirits sail, guide them to eternal peace Mi'lady for only you could give them that freedom.
Sure everybody once in a while makes bad decisions, nobody always makes the best decisions, some of us just make better ones~Saying of the month of November
Re: Full Moon (FanFiction) - Chapter 10-12 « Reply #4 on Sept 30, 2009, 3:41pm »
that's interesting. good storyline so far. i think there's a lot of talent here.i have so many stories in my head but cant write em.your lucky 2be able 2
Joined: Feb 2009 Gender: Female Posts: 19 Location: At the Cullen Household... :P
Re: Full Moon (FanFiction) - Chapter 10-12 « Reply #5 on Nov 22, 2009, 9:42pm »
thanks twihardrayne! tht's a really good compliment for me. i've got up to writing chapter 16, and haven't been able to write anymore chapters because of me being really busy. im sorry, people.
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